buffalo wings&homeless people//.

Mon Nov 6, 2006, 6:42 PM

^{wassupwassup.

tomorrow i'm off to serve soup and dinner to those in the beautiful city of san francisco.

i hear my father moving about upstairs.

the floorboards (that serve as ceiling down here) groan to me under his girth.

i may not have a boyfriend

may not be in love.

but.

i do have someone i would love to have as a boyfriend.

someone i care deeply for.

someone i want to take care of make everything ok for.

someone who claims to like me back.

and you know what-

i wouldn't trade this feeling for anything.

titles like "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" don't mean anything

it doesn't secure a relationship

mean you are more compatible

signify a greater depth to the relationship.

i haven't genuinely liked someone since i was fourteen.

long

time

ago

it seems.

i haven't felt this way-this particular way- ever.

i hate worrying about him,

but at the same time,

i love it.

i don't like what he's doing, but i like that i can worry about him.

and he knows it.

i hate feeling like i'm being annoying, pushing myself on him, apologizing and feeling stupid, having friends calling me "gay" for what i say when i talk about him..

and then i can't help myself- i love it.

i love saying i'm sorry and hearing him say its ok ("nah its cool babe.")

i love getting close to him and catching him glance my way.

i love when he tells me to shut up i'm not being stupid. hearing him say that he likes me ("i care bout you.")

i like that my friends can see me feeling this way and listen to my stupid recollections of our past encounter.

i'm not sure how you define love.

if its a feeling even.

if it takes time even.

but what i'm feeling--

it makes me feel like i start everyday with the intention of going ice skating.

that "i can't wait!" excitement.

i don't know.

i'm going to beautiful san francisco tomorrow.}

3 Comments

Listening to: mad world by gary joules
Reading: prozac nation

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~DarkRocky Nov 6, 2006, 7:33:54 PM

ACTually kelly, that version of mad world is by michael andrews, FEATURING gary joules.

and its originally by tears for fears.

andandand imissmywife.
<3